My Little Heaven

2003-02-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

Hi,
Today Was A Weird Day For Me , I woke Up In A Bitchy Mood And Ended Up Crying At The End In Chruch , Some Place U'll Never See Me Crying At All . i Mean Yeah I Know I Act Like a Rebel And Demonic At Times But Still, How Did I Start Crying First Of All . Well It Started When The Preacher Was Askin For Forgiveness From His Wife And Daughter.He Gave Each Of Them A Rose And Then Said " There're More Roses Up Here , If You Think You Have The Courage To Come Up And Get One And Ask For Forgiveness Then Do So " So People Went Up and Got A Rose And My Dad Got Up And Also My Mom But Always I Know I've Acted Really Bad And Hateful To My Dad , I Mean He Deserves It Sometimes .But Then I Saw Him With 2 Roses , One For My Mom And One For Me . I Mean I Saw Him Walking To Me I Just Broke Down In Tears Cuz I Know My Actions But I Hate Admitting Them. And It's Hard To Get My Forgiveness.But I Didn't Listen To One Word He Said I was Just In Tear On His shoulder.All I heard Was " Do You Wanna Start Fresh Again" I Said Yeah. Then My Mom Handed Me A Rose And I Gave It To My Father .Everyone was In Tear .But Then Again I Think Admitting My Problems Might Be My Soft Spot.I'm Not Really Sure At All. But In The Long Run Things Will Be Better I Guess. Well Gotta go !
Love Ya,
Jocelyn

2003-02-15T16:24:00.000-08:00

Hey,
Last Night Was One Of The Worst Ones With My Boyfriend (Bill) Well Yeah I Call Like A Normal Girlfriend And What Does He Do Tell Me Hold On While He's Talking To Another Person Which was Supposedly F.A (One Of His Friends) .Which I Totally Don't Believe ! I Cursed Him Out And He was Like"I Love You" And I Said "No You Don't , Why?" And He Said "You Know Why Because I Think Your A Good Girlfriend Cuz You Put Up With All My Stuff And I Take Up Most Of Your Time You Have The TimeTo Call Me And Write To Me And Everything .We've Been Through Depression Together Romance Anger And Yes We've Had Our Problems Like No Other " Well Yeah That Kept Me Quiet For Another 30 Mins Cuz I Kept Thinking About What He Said .But Then Again I Was Putting Him To A Fake Cryin' Test To See If He Noticed That I Was Crying. Well He Did And asked What was Wrong And All But But I'd Say Nothing Or Im Not Crying.Then He Finally Got Off At What I Believe was 2:50 am Then He Said "I'm Hungry" i just Started Laughin' Cuz I Was Thinkin' About Alex And He Could Have Been My Husband.He'd Probably Be A Better One Than Bill. I Had My Demonic Laugh He Hates .(haha) And I Was Also Thinking How Ima Tell Mario I Like Him On Tuesday While We Walk Together To His Class. I'll Probably Be Like " Um.. Mario I Have To Tell You Something .. I Like You And Now Don't Think Of Me In That Weird Person Way Please ! " What A Better Day To Do It Before My Tutoring Afterschool The Next Day.But , Anyways .. Yeah Thats Why I Was Laughing And He Kept Askin' Why I was Laughin' I Made Up Something About Jumping On Mario And Delver Dragging Me .. But Its True He did .. Then He Said He Didn't Like My Laugh At All So He Said" If You Laugh Like That Again I'm Going To Hang Up" And I Forgot About what He said And I Laughed He Said "Alright.. ::Click:: " I Was Still Laughing Til' I Noticed He Hung Up Then I Called Him Up Again.Then I Stoped But Was Crackin Up On The Inside .Anyways Then He Had A Heartburn Cuz He Ate After I Told Him Not To But He Didn't Listen.Oh Well, After We Talked Um.. We Had Some Romance As He Puts It .:Lmao:. I don't Evn Know How That Happend .After All It Was The 20th Time And On The 12th Was Our Anniversary With 2 months .Yeah I Dont Think It'll Last Long If Doesnt Put in his Part.Wow I dont Know Why But Now I Have An Urge To Go To School , You Think Its Cuz Of me And Mario Oh Yeah And Alex Staying After School In One Room All Alone Well Wind Ensemble Is Gonna Be There .So Nothing Funny ! Ehh.. No Fair :) No Wait ! I'll Tell Him On A Thursday That I Like Him Cuz I Barely See Him On Friday Well The Morning Cuz Of The Answers He Owes Me That I'll Ask For.Damn See How Easy I Forget About My Own Boyfriend ha ! Thats So Wrong To Do But Hey He Forgets Everything Like Bryan But He was A Better Friend You Know. He Still Is He Might Move To New Jersey .. No :( Why Bryan A Good Friend He Even Said I Was His Other Half Which He Forgot ! I Was Like You Told Me Over The Phone Because Everything You Forgot I Remembered.. He was Like Oh Yeah.. I Still Love Him Even Though He's Become A Little Reticent (A Little Quiet)
i Tried To Out Smart Bill Last Night For Asking Him If He Was InebriatedHe Said Huh ..Hehe.. Im Becoming Smart That Means Drunk.But But Then Again I Could Be Embellishing This .. Im Just Kiddin' Im Not But I Gotta Run..
Love Always,
Jocelyn

2003-02-14T17:28:00.000-08:00

Hey ,
Well Today Was Supposedly A Loving Day..?? Yeah Rite Not For Me . I Was Sad Most Of My Day I kept Feeling Lonely
Cuz I'd See These Preps Chicks With Balloons , Bears , And Red Rose .. What Did I Get In This Messed Up Day ?? Completely Nothing ! Oh Yeah A Hugg From Mario, Carlos ,Coakley,Simon,And I Believe Delver .But Anyways , Today Is On of the Saddest Days of My Life .. Valentines Day .. A Day Of Loneliness Or Love But Still I Dont Have That Someone I've Been Lookin' For.Well Yeah But Im Not Sure If He Likes Me The Same Way I Like Him. I Mean I Met Him A Good 2 Weeks Ago Thanks To Marisol ! ( Love Ya For That ) Well He Turned Out To be A Good , Sweet , Smart , Talented Guy Not Like Bryan But Something Close To That . But , I Mean Yesterday Was A Great Day For Me cuz It was The First Time I Hugged Him .To Make Things A Little Worst Marisol Saw Me And Him Hug, She Told Me Later on That Day ,I Started To Blush .Then I Sat With Him During Lunch While He Ate And Marisol Got My Food (..hehe..) So We Talked And We Kept Being Close Together .But That was Yesterday.Today, I Hunted Him Down For The Answers He was Gonna Give Me , He Gave them To Geo, Damn Him , And But I Ran Up To Mario And Sorta Poked Him he Looked So Adorable Today .. Then After He told Me He Gave The Answers To Geo I Opened My Arms Cuz i Was 'Bout To Be Late So i Gave Him A Hug And A Kiss On The Cheek And He Told Me Happy V-Day ,I Think i Started Blushing Again. Then The Day Passed By .. Lunch Came And i Wanted to See What Mario Was Doing .. So i Ran to The Band Hall And Found Him Sitting By A Group but was Alone Listening To "Into The Storm" , A Wind Ensemble Song I gotta Play , Then I took Off His Headphone i put them On And Asked Him What Song It was And He Told Me i was Shocked I Was Like omG i Gotta Play This! But Then Again I Got Tutors That Are Great .. Damn Mario He Told Alex He Had To Tutor me Also Aferschool On Wednesdays .. I should Tell Him I dont Like Alex Like Before. I Dunno I Dont Wanna Tell Him I Like Him .But I Gotta Eventually Someday .Anyway I COULD HAVE MARRIED ALEX TODAY! Delver Asked me And Since i was with Mario well On His Shoulder I Said No! NO ?! well It was Only $2.00 Damnit! I Could Of Like Kissed Him No Fair Then Delver Said He wasn't Gonna Talk to Me Cuz I Said No To Alex I so Wanna Back In Time To Say Yes And Mario Told Me To Marry Alex .. I Still Said Im So Dumb Im Telling You.I Got Red Again And Some Girl Even Said To Say Yes Lmao. But Now Ima Get to Know Him Yeah ! But Mario I Love Ya! You Know That And SomeTime I feel That u Don't Love Me .. Hmm.. Anyways Like I said Before Today Was An Okay Day Even Though i Was Lonely And Teared Up A Little Thats Okay Cuz I'll See Mario On Tuesday ! Yay ! Oh Yeah My "Boyfriend" Bill Well I Believe he's Talking To Some Other Female . Damn If I Find Out Who She Is hahaha :) No Comment ! But I Do Like Him He Gets On My Last Nerve But That Okay .Oh Yeah I Finally Met Franco ! He's Cute . I Got to Get To Knwo Him .He Gets Annoyed Cuz I Moan Over the Phone To Tease Him hehe But I Don't Do It On Purpose ! Anyways If Next Year He Goes To Coral Park (..gO rAmS..) Yeah I Believe Something Will Happen If Im Not With Any Guy In Band :: Cough Cough:: Mario .Lmao i Dunno I Gotta See Anyways I Gotta Go..
Love Alwayz,
Jocelyn